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Rainbow Vodka Sprinkles ;


justa normalgirl
18teen and exasperated
straightly her
would crave for [tequilasunrise] or [anyfruitycocktail] in times of depression or upsetness
or craftwork & literature, depending
erratic and admitting it :p

Delectable Martini Chocolates ;

sprees of silliness
chocoholic. BIG TIME
appley pies~
swing swings
dance dance
laughter loving
love seeking no more
myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphicsmyspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

animals are the love, esp PENGUINS

Infectious Toxic Kisses ;

Zesty Lemon Slices ;



*she reads-

Popped Cherries & Lipglosses Lies ;

February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 October 2007 November 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008

Tequila Shots ;

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Dancefloor Anthems ;

give it some time to load. toggle around with the buttons, that might actually help the loading process (and your boredom). turn up your speakers. if you're not gonna stay here for my entries, im pretty sure you will, for the music :D and the fortune cookie too :p



get tangled up in me... [if u get depressed after reading this it isn't my fault!] way over long...
Tuesday, April 12, 20053:59 AM

i clench my fists
i dig my nails in
5 minutes later
warm crimson blood drips out
a small stream runs down my arm
it trickles onto the floor
a small puddle forms
it goes drip... drip... drip...
to the second hand of the clock tower

im unaware
what about the pain
you ask?
pain? what pain?
what is pain?
there's a sudden rush in me
the numbing of the mind and body
its a new, refreshing feeling to me
something i've not felt before
a breath of fresh air
from the mountain top

i look at my fists
tightly clenched
nails pushing in even further
im addicted to the sensational feeling
of pain
i stone as i watch the stream grow
the drops are getting bigger
the trickling gets faster
im ignorant to my surroundings
i understand nothing
people around me scream to stop
but why should i?
i thought they hardly noticed

Death embraces me like an old friend
at the crossroads of dark and light
she takes me by the hand
and leads me to the playground of my life
"see here, the awful memories.
you should've come with me!"
i nod blankly
unsure of what to say
suddenly my old friend seemed so powerful
so domineering
so authoratatively fearful

i turn to run
but there's nowhere to go
the crossroads lead back to the same spot
the long tendrils of her arm reach out
and catch hold of me
gripping me so hard im asphyxiated
my old friend
how could she do this to me?
then again
how could i forget?
once you played with Death
she wouldn't let you go
hard as you try
you have to entertain her
in her petty games
how could i have been so dumb
as to have flirted with her?

the bottomless pit of pain
something that was once so addictive
so nourishing
so reviving
now twists me from the side
like a knife
it stabs my heart
each time screwing in
then screwing out
like a screwdriver
spinning and screwing for all its worth

there's no point in crying
no one's here to comfort
there's no point in sobbing
no one's here to hear
"shut up!"
voices from the pit bark out
they too are stranded here
i cry louder in defiance
and suddenly
i find im being pushed
just when i thought the pit
couldn't get any more bottomless
here i go
im falling again

the sea of fire
the lake of doom
the void of solitary confinement
would've been so much better
had i been given an option
here my tears turn to fire
the demons torture my dreaded soul
one particular day in eternity
they gave up on me
my tears turned into an ocean
a rampaging whirlpool
and devoured me whole
ridding that place of whatever
traces there was left of me

locked in a desolate safe
dusty and cold
the air of condemnation
hangs heavy
solitary confinement i asked
solitary confinement i received
already at the point of insanity
i plead with the guards
i plead with the judge
"let me out! i promise i will be good!
free me from these mind games,
free me from my friend called Death.
oh if you would not free me from those,
free me from my psychological prison!
free me from ME!!"

the judge reels and grants
my spirit runs out
like a ghost horse free from its curse
"where to go? what to do?"
i search with all the remnants of me
seeking Your arms
seeking Your face
but my world's too dark to see
wandering around blindly
groping for something to hold

at the end of the distance
i see a light
"salvation at last!"
i cry with joy
but my jubilation only lasted so long
for by the time i'd reached it
it was put out
like a hand smothering a flame
it was gone

"am i to be stuck in this void of loneliness
for all eternity?
is this my destiny?"
my shouts ring out
only to be bounced back at me
echoing through my head
"can no one hear me??"

i give up
i've lost all hope
even the light at the end of the tunnel
the bend at the road
doesn't exist for me any more

at the corner of the emptiness
i bury my head in my arms
like a turtle retreating into its shell
let me be stuck in this void of eternal silence
where only loneliness and sadness
shall know me by name
everything else
fades to non-existence...

[if u think im a compliacted person, this poem is the inside out of me...]

_____***765 words***_____

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