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Rainbow Vodka Sprinkles ;

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whatsername
justa normalgirl
18teen and exasperated
straightly her
would crave for [tequilasunrise] or [anyfruitycocktail] in times of depression or upsetness
or craftwork & literature, depending
erratic and admitting it :p


Delectable Martini Chocolates ;

caramellic
mooooovies^
sprees of silliness
musicology
chocoholic. BIG TIME
DONUTSSS!!!
appley pies~
swing swings
dance dance
photographica
laughter loving
makeup-o-matic
love seeking no more
myspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphicsmyspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics

animals are the love, esp PENGUINS

Infectious Toxic Kisses ;



Zesty Lemon Slices ;

carmen
fefe
james
joan
kenneth
melody
sawwah
shitzuRAH
tabss
tina
yiwenn

myARTSYthingies
TILATEQUILA
TILA'S HOTSPOT


*she reads-
XIAXUE


Popped Cherries & Lipglosses Lies ;

February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 October 2007 November 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008

Tequila Shots ;


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Dancefloor Anthems ;


give it some time to load. toggle around with the buttons, that might actually help the loading process (and your boredom). turn up your speakers. if you're not gonna stay here for my entries, im pretty sure you will, for the music :D and the fortune cookie too :p


MusicPlaylist



BarTENDERS ;

designer.
pictorials.
software.
its just too bad for her...
Tuesday, April 19, 20055:58 AM

seeing you
that very sight of you
makes her heart wrench
in indescribable pain

she can't stand to see you
its just too overwhelming
for her to take

all those emotions inside
locked up behind
the fake positivity
the fake smiles on her face

you go on with your daily routine
do you ever stop to notice
that girl smiling at you?
i bet you don't

she's just another face
you brush by
another someone
you say "hi" to

she's inferior,
she knows
she's lowly,
she knows
she's not pretty like them,
she knows
she's not ideal like them,
she knows

lift your head up
look around
do you see a girl
smiling across the room
at you?

wait
she's not there any more
her whirlpool of emotions
has swept her away
its taken over her mind
she can no longer think straight

so as you look around
for that smiling girl
whom you refused to notice
think

will you give up
looking for her
even when she's disappeared?
will you remember her
after the years?
will you remember her
the girl who was
me?

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say something,

say it RIGHT.

h m m... think about it...
Sunday, April 17, 200512:28 AM

my mum once told me...

Jesus
Others
Yourself...

she told me that was the secret to joy... makes me wonder...

Labels:


say something,

say it RIGHT.

feelings the rain brings...
Thursday, April 14, 20056:09 AM

i walk in this rain
cold, lonely, neglected
my shadow's all that's left
of me
i won't be missed
my world's crashed in on me
i haven't moved from this spot

stuck in the abyss of loneliness
unearthly murmurings
resound in my head
telling me to give up... give up...
on life.

Labels: , , ,


say something,

say it RIGHT.

inspiration from a penknife... weird eh..?
5:39 AM

the cutter
my wrist
visions of horror
run through my head
blood, darkness
pushed over the edge
all things to do
with nether realms

what people,
even i
once considered evil,
advisory not to mess with
now i embrace with warmth
call me a freak
but all of a sudden
all things dark and devilish
are flames of hope
to me

the biting wind
nips at my skin
leaving me cold and raw
silence is my only friend
depression my home
sadness, my mother
confusion, my father
and insanity
my only hope

no, im not gothic
nor am i satanic
i've only just lost
my puny little mind
driven to such a stage
falling off the brink

Loneliness holds my hand
and accompanies me
through this night
in this void of nothingness
he's my only one
but even Loneliness
would leave me
to be
alone...

the edge of the blade
insanity-fuelled thoughts
im shot to pieces
all broken fragments
lie scattered, unwanted
on the ground

pools of blood
warm
carpets the floor
from a once living
me.

does the image of me
haunt you?
does the sound of my voice
whisper out from within walls?
does the melody of my singing
resound in your dreams?

why?
what did i do?
questions fill my mind
im ready to explode

i close my eyes
escape from this place
is all i ask for
would no one help?
all that i once knew
now
has faded away

Labels: , , ,


say something,

say it RIGHT.

get tangled up in me... [if u get depressed after reading this it isn't my fault!] way over long...
Tuesday, April 12, 20053:59 AM

i clench my fists
i dig my nails in
5 minutes later
warm crimson blood drips out
slowly
steadily
calmly
a small stream runs down my arm
it trickles onto the floor
a small puddle forms
it goes drip... drip... drip...
to the second hand of the clock tower

im unaware
what about the pain
you ask?
pain? what pain?
what is pain?
there's a sudden rush in me
the numbing of the mind and body
its a new, refreshing feeling to me
something i've not felt before
a breath of fresh air
from the mountain top

i look at my fists
tightly clenched
nails pushing in even further
im addicted to the sensational feeling
of pain
i stone as i watch the stream grow
the drops are getting bigger
the trickling gets faster
im ignorant to my surroundings
i understand nothing
people around me scream to stop
but why should i?
i thought they hardly noticed

Death embraces me like an old friend
at the crossroads of dark and light
she takes me by the hand
and leads me to the playground of my life
"see here, the awful memories.
you should've come with me!"
i nod blankly
unsure of what to say
suddenly my old friend seemed so powerful
so domineering
so authoratatively fearful

i turn to run
but there's nowhere to go
the crossroads lead back to the same spot
the long tendrils of her arm reach out
and catch hold of me
gripping me so hard im asphyxiated
my old friend
how could she do this to me?
then again
how could i forget?
once you played with Death
she wouldn't let you go
hard as you try
you have to entertain her
in her petty games
how could i have been so dumb
as to have flirted with her?

the bottomless pit of pain
something that was once so addictive
so nourishing
so reviving
now twists me from the side
like a knife
it stabs my heart
repeatedly
each time screwing in
then screwing out
like a screwdriver
spinning and screwing for all its worth

there's no point in crying
no one's here to comfort
there's no point in sobbing
no one's here to hear
"shut up!"
voices from the pit bark out
they too are stranded here
i cry louder in defiance
and suddenly
i find im being pushed
just when i thought the pit
couldn't get any more bottomless
here i go
im falling again

the sea of fire
the lake of doom
the void of solitary confinement
would've been so much better
had i been given an option
here my tears turn to fire
the demons torture my dreaded soul
one particular day in eternity
they gave up on me
my tears turned into an ocean
a rampaging whirlpool
and devoured me whole
ridding that place of whatever
traces there was left of me

locked in a desolate safe
dusty and cold
cobwebs
aplenty
the air of condemnation
hangs heavy
solitary confinement i asked
solitary confinement i received
already at the point of insanity
i plead with the guards
i plead with the judge
"let me out! i promise i will be good!
free me from these mind games,
free me from my friend called Death.
oh if you would not free me from those,
free me from my psychological prison!
free me from ME!!"

the judge reels and grants
my spirit runs out
like a ghost horse free from its curse
"where to go? what to do?"
i search with all the remnants of me
seeking Your arms
seeking Your face
but my world's too dark to see
wandering around blindly
groping for something to hold

at the end of the distance
i see a light
"salvation at last!"
i cry with joy
but my jubilation only lasted so long
for by the time i'd reached it
it was put out
like a hand smothering a flame
it was gone

"am i to be stuck in this void of loneliness
for all eternity?
is this my destiny?"
my shouts ring out
only to be bounced back at me
echoing through my head
"can no one hear me??"


i give up
i've lost all hope
even the light at the end of the tunnel
the bend at the road
doesn't exist for me any more

at the corner of the emptiness
i bury my head in my arms
like a turtle retreating into its shell
let me be stuck in this void of eternal silence
where only loneliness and sadness
shall know me by name
everything else
fades to non-existence...

[if u think im a compliacted person, this poem is the inside out of me...]

_____***765 words***_____

Labels: , , ,


say something,

say it RIGHT.

i can't understand anything...
Monday, April 11, 20056:16 AM

the world's spinning before me
im clueless about what's going on
everything's changed
or am i still the same?
mad mutterings echo around me
im getting dizzy
from the screams
every colour has turned dull
nothing registers in my head
im empty, puzzled
the world's like a tornado
im caught up in it
i spin lifelessly
unaware
the only things repeating in my head
are the questions


___*what's going on? why?*___

Labels: , , , ,


say something,

say it RIGHT.

too much..?
Sunday, April 10, 20056:38 AM

i've been thinking quite a lot
maybe too much
for my own good

but im blurred
puzzled
in a daze.
your words from a week ago
still linger in my head
though im known to be forgetful.
you distract me too much
from my surroundings
stop confusing me so much
tell me
what's going on
too much of this
will drive me off the brink
maybe yes
maybe no
i need to know
but for now


___*i miss you... too much..?*___

Labels: , , , ,


say something,

say it RIGHT.