sip of life. my life.

a haunting

Thursday, November 06, 20086:31 PM

for the past 2 nights i've been haunted by dreams concerning a certain something, but i'll get to that later. but first, here's what i found:

To see turtles in your dream, suggests that you will make slow but steady progress. You need to slow down and pace yourself. Alternatively, it indicates that you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life.

To dream that you are being chased by a turtle, indicates that you are hiding behind a facade instead of confronting the things that are bothering you.

(because i can fit in a seashell, i will stay here away from the camera, bitchez!)

hmmm fascinating. okay so honestly, for the past 2 nights, my dreams have turtles (more specifically, terrapins) involved in them, and i have no idea why. and how much of the above statement is true, i have no idea either. but the dreams are pretty amusing though...

(i is a camwhoring turtle ya'll)

some background info to start off: my brother bought this "triops" set from school for 10 freaking bucks. you're supposed to hatch these little things with the instructions and materials provided. the whole process takes about a week or 2, and currently we're on day 5. they've hatched and now look like itsy bitsy krill running all over the container O.o

(no picture provided cos they're TOO DAMN SMALL. it's already hard enough to spot with the naked eye!)

(excuuuuuuuuse me. just because my name is Cookie doesnt mean you can actually eat me!)

on tuesday night (day 3 of the triops hatching thing), i dreamt that one of the triops eggs hatched, to my delight, a turtle! (more specifically, a terrapin) (bear in mind that the thingies hadnt hatched yet so we had no idea what they would look like, and the eggs were about as big as a pin-head O.O)

(lalala... i am Cookie the Explorer! psh who cares about Dora man..?)

in my happiness, i took the little critter and kept it for myself, without telling anyone. and for some reason, i took it to school! carried it in my hands and even occasionally put it in my bag. (dont ask me why, it was part of the dream too :x)

(the turtle's age of discovery)

okay so that one wasnt as bad, but wednesday night's dream was pretty ~~messed up~~.

(the turtle's age of exploration)

on wednesday night, i had this dream that took place in school, during biology class. Ms Wan was doing some lab with hot water, so she boiled the water using an airpot (instead of a beaker or some sciencey apparatus, i have REALLY no idea). and for some reason, she put in a turtle too! okay before everyone starts freaking out, the airpot in my dream had a separate compartment at the top NOT for putting water. it's like a dish on top of the opening where you pour water in to boil.

(clearer picture: open the airpot, first thing you see is a metal dish. take the dish out, you see the part where water is boiled. tadah. funny airpot, i know)

(laptops have now evolved to becoming a turtle's playground too!)

so yeah after the water boiled, i went up and opened the airpot, just to see if the turtle was alright. it was all huddled together inside its shell, no limbs or tail sticking out. i gingerly lifted it up, and lo and behold! it was still alive! i even squeezed its shell a little to see if the "sauna" it got had softened it, and apparently the shell was still solid as a rock! i picked it up and took it for myself heehee (and the turtle in this dream was like the size of a canadian twonie :D)

(i is not on exhibition here! shoo!)

haha when i told my friends about my second dream, they were all like "OMG!!! MS WAN IS SO CRUEL!!!'' crap i think i just gave them more reason to dislike the teacher :x

(oooh! what be this???)

but when i gave the supposed "meaning of my dream" more thought, perhaps it did mean more than simply my love for turtles. (oei laugh what? turtles are cute okay!)

(hi ho, hi ho, it's off to exploring i go!)

"slow but steady progress"

call me surperstitious or reading way too much into it, but maybe it's indicative of my adaptation to Canada. much as people around me think im fully adapted and crap, i know im not. deep inside me is that feeling to just start talking in ~~my real Singaporean accent~~, ~~power-packed with Singlish~~, and to yell at someone "DIAM LA CCB!" instead of the regular "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU!'' psh.

(why this stupid girl put us in a box arh? and now she's pointing this black thing at me! hmph look away look away!)

i still use certain Singaporean terms to describe people to others (and end up apologizing and explaining what the term means). i still crave for fried carrot cake, sproingy maggie mee, ah lians to diss, "Majulah Singapura" to make fun of, open-air kopitiams, the awesome mrts where you can pole dance in (provided hardly anyone's around), the beach island of sentosa, the chalets in east coast, convenient online shopping where i can meet the blogshop owners and do a product inspection on the spot, malls all over the tiny island, the fact that Singapore is so near hot tourist spots, the never-ending partying that's SAFE, you can get cute baby terrapins for like $3 each anywhere, the summer all year round...

damn the list could go on forever!

(still pointing that ugly thing at me! well 2 can play at this game! *continues looking up*)

"you are sheltering yourself from the realities of life"

awkward as it seems, i find this so true. i've been missing Singapore so much, i haven't been immersing myself in the Canadian lifestyle. people who think i have, i wonder how you got to that conclusion :x

(yes i put them in a box to camwhore them :D)

all i do nowadays is think about how life in Singapore for me would've been like, had i stayed on. i'd be in poly/MI now, possibly working part time, and definitely partying quite a bit... *slaps self* okay i have to stop. i keep thinking about what could've been, instead of facing what is here and now.

yeah, so cowardly hor?

(someone once said this picture looks really cute cos it seems like they had their own little turtle argument!)

but it's so hard to let go. especially knowing that i could have survived just as well in Singapore had i stayed on, or probably even better. you know the feeling of having it all, the time of your life, then it gets taken away from you in one fell swoop? yes that's how it is for me. how can i just let go like that? you think 17 years of building up can be demolished/modified in an instant? that's why i hate it when people tell me to suck it up. shut your damn mouth and take a walk in my life before you say anything.

(the 3butt-e-teers -___-)

move on. i've never liked saying that to people when i console them and stuff, because i know how hard it can be.

i can safely say i've never really moved on since i left Singapore, only ~~covered up~~. the makeup, the accent, the laughter, the jokes, the attention-seeking... now when i think about it, it's all a facade, a desperate attempt to relive my life the way i did in Singapore. funny isnt it? i wonder how long i can keep this charade up. and i find it even funnier that some Canadian locals think im a local. holy crap my acting must be that awesome. gimme a contract already, Hollywood.

(arent their colours cute? brown, brown-green, green, in order)

look ahead. i cant even face the present now, and you bloody want me to look ahead?

want to know what i see when i "look ahead"? i see myself graduating at the weirdest of times, neither with my grade 12 friends nor my grade 11 ones. i see myself applying for my desired courses like vet science and psychology, and getting rejected. i see myself broke, and working as a manicurist at some regular spa shop thing. THAT'S what i see. why do i see what i see?

because assuming that things dont improve too much from now, yeah everything ahead's gonna look pretty bleak :x can i go back to Singapore now...? *slaps self*