sip of life. my life.

end my miseryyyy....

Friday, August 22, 200811:38 PM

i hate my life. for now. i really do. im surrounded by a bunch of motherfucking idiots who cant make up their mind as to what they wanna do, thus making fools out of themselves, and very unfortunately, dragging me into the picture. sighs. wow. what a life i have. oh oh, and i have to cater to their every whim and fancy too, like a pet poodle/chihuahua. fuck off la.

it all started in the afternoon, when i was having lunch with my grandma and parents after they came back from shopping. so anyways, after lunch, i decided to watch some replays of the olympics (eh they were showing rhythmic gymnastics okay!!!), and very suay suay-ly, my dad told me (not ask), to make soba noodles as part of tonight's dinner. i hell did not want to, it was my dad's brilliant idea to make it for everyone, and it was his brilliant impulse to get all the ingredients. and unlucky old me, am the only one who knows how to make it. so yeah.

so how? scowl and do la, what else. i was planning on chatting with my hubby awhile more, in case his internet connection got cut off. besides, i have better things to do other than standing in front of a freaking pot of noodles, watching and waiting for it to boil. pfft. but whatever la. once my dad gets brilliant ideas, there's not stopping him, which means deep big shit for me lor. so i wasted like half an hour (more actually) of my youth, cooking soba noodles, watching the pot boil, and getting scolded by my grandma all the way, just cos i cooked the noodles differently than how she would normally cook her own noodles.

OI. I LEARNT IT DIFFERENTLY CAN. hell annoying, seriously. at least my dad bothered to help a little. my mum? talking to my grandma lor, agreeing with her every sentence, esp those that included my ~~uselessness~~. WOW. amazing right? proves that what i told my psychiatrist was totally 110% true (i'll reveal that later).

anyways, after the whole youth-wasting event, i went back upstairs to destress a little (i was pretty pissed okay) and to talk to my beloved too. aiya suay, i would have to return back into the kitchen in about 3hours' time to cut the seaweed and cook the fishcake that goes with the noodles. ah fine, whatever. unfortunately, careless me forgot to watch the clock and ended up going down late. shit lor. lucky my parents had to go out again, so i didnt get a scolding. yet.

hurried down, cut up the fishcake into a few parts, asked my grandma to help me steam them (what the hell is steaming anyways? i only know what steaming for the hair is), then proceeded to cut the seaweed. WITH SCISSORS. 10 SHEETS. EACH JUST SLIGHTLY SMALLER THAN A4 SIZE. yay. all the while getting scolded by my grandma, just cos i wasn't sure whether to boil or steam the fishcake. OMG. like that also nice to scold. eh, i know i went for a few cooking classes before, but so very sorry, my teacher didnt EMPHASIZE how to cook fishcake (the class WASN'T on fishcake, but it was used as an ingredient), and i didnt get the chance to practice. ~~SO VERY SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU~~. forget cannot arh? damnit. i was so annoyed. ALL THE WAY. she kept saying sending me to the cooking class was a waste of money, that sending me there was "bai fei de", all that kinda rubbish la basically. whoa damnit, i wonder how i managed to control my temper man. seriously. i shot back at her finally, glaring hell hard through my specs, and told her, "i stupid can? can or not, if im this stupid???" (in chinese la,of course)

wow, she didnt take the hint for her to SHUT UP. damn. so the blahblah continues. she scold scold scold, i cut cut cut. pfft. then later parents came down and joined the scolding fest. yay. so now it's "Scold Jerlyne Till She Becomes Fucking Pathetic" Day. why didnt anyone inform me, at the least? tsk. all the while, im just cutting seaweed, looking busy, trying to control my temper, and fit in with the current mood, which was excitement over soba noodles. oh gosh. excitement. over NOODLES. dont ask. seriously, im still wondering.

i was hell pissed while everything was going on okay. here i am, cutting 10sheets of seaweed, cut till my right hand is now bruised okay, cos the scissors was pretty shitty itself, and guess what? nobody cares that im getting insulted beyond hell. all ya'll care about is whether your stomach gets filled or not. by the time i was done cutting, i was so pissed off i actually lost my appetite. when i was stilling cutting the seaweed all nice and pretty for everyone, my dad came up to me and whispered, "eh sorry arh, looks like there won't be any for you..." i declared as loudly as i could (with my head bent over the scissors): "IT'S OKAY.I DONT WANT ANY."

now here's the thing. im the kind that loves to try the masterpiece that she whipped out, just to see if it was according to her expectations. so when i declare that i DONT WANT ANY, something is up. sorry la, unfortunately my parents ~~dont know~~ and all the more dont care. my uncle and his family eat can liao. including my grandparents. me? lil fucker can go curl up and die in the basement. collect her remnants when they next move out. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING HERE OKAY. seriously. hardly anyone moved a muscle when i told them i didnt want dinner at all. not even the rice that my grandma cooked just in case there wasn't enough noodles to go around. NOTHING. just a piece of watermelon my mum made me try, to see if it was sweet or not -.-''

yeah as if it wasn't bad enough, i got dragged with my parents to clean up our new place. hubby was like "HUH. but you didnt eat dinner leh..."

YOU THINK THEY FUCKING CARE? as long as i cater to their every whim and fancy, ALL IS OKAY!!! ALL IS FUCKING WONDERFUL!!!

oh and as if it wasn't bad enough, more scolding to come. wow awesome eh? cared so much by people, kena so much scolding in less than 8hours. wow. can set world record yo. my dad at the last minute told me to get my phone just as they were about to leave the house, i duly did so. guess what? just as i was coming down the stairs to the door, KENA SCOLDED AGAIN. by my grandma who helped my parents unlock the door. she was all like "why didnt you help your parents take things out from the basement? so useless la you..." blahblahblah, usual crap la sheesh. this time i ignored her, i've had more than enough of her for a day man.

as i stepped out, my dad told me to go back in again, to see if we could bring anything else into the car. so went down back into the house, to the basement. went to check, no small items, forget it. went back up again to go to the car, and guess what? my UNCLE reprimanded me, asking: "oi why arent you helping your parents move stuff huh?"

WHAT THE FUCK. OI DONT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS CAN. I KNOW IT'S QUITE AN ASIAN HABIT, BUT CUT IT OUT CAN??? YOU'RE IN A WESTERN CULTURE, SHOW IT!!!

argh, i just glared at him and stomped out of the house. end of story.

seriously. am i that fun to scold? do i look that scoldable? or is it that i have a "SCOLD ME LIKE SHIT!" sign on my forehead? no? THEN STOP IT. I HAVE FEELINGS TOO, EVEN THOUGH I DONT SHOW THEM MUCH. IM JUST BEING STOIC SO THAT YOU IDIOTS WON'T GET FREAKED OUT BY ME. that said, BUT IT DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND PUSH ME AROUND.

fucking hell. wait till i go full bitch mode on you guys. you'll live to regret it, ~~i promise~~. cut off your cellphone lines, email your potential bosses about how you abuse your children (did you know that whacking your kids eg like caning, is considered child abuse here? heh heh...)... fuck i can come up with ways to plague your lives. yes i am that malicious. because i've been pushed around too long, being your pet dog and all. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

and for those people who insist that family is most important, and someday i'll come back to realize it blahblah... highly unlikely that'll happen. i dont even let my parents touch me, or hug me. my mum tried to hug me when i showed her my o level results. i ran all over the house and hid in the toilet. yes, i am not close to my parents at all. and im not ashamed to say that, cos that's the way they raised me. and they have noone but ~~themselves~~ to blame for it. suck it up and move on man.

im not gonna say much anymore, too angry. and the angrier i am, the more irrelevant crap i'll type out, which even i might not understand (haha pathetic). oh and did you know? i've been sharing a single room with my family for almost 2months. can die. and for those 2months, i couldn't express my feelings properly. i couldnt cry myself to sleep when i wanted to, i couldnt call someone over the phone to talk to, and i couldnt scream into my pillow when i needed to. how's that for misery?

Labels: angst, frustration, teenage life

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