whatsername
justa normalgirl
18teen and exasperated
straightly her
would crave for [tequilasunrise] or [anyfruitycocktail] in times of depression or upsetness
or craftwork & literature, depending
erratic and admitting it :p



caramellic
mooooovies^
sprees of silliness
musicology
chocoholic. BIG TIME
DONUTSSS!!!
appley pies~
swing swings
dance dance
photographica
laughter loving
makeup-o-matic
love seeking no more


animals are the love, esp PENGUINS





carmen
fefe
james
joan
kenneth
melody
sawwah
shitzuRAH
tabss
tina
yiwenn

myARTSYthingies
TILATEQUILA
TILA'S HOTSPOT


*she reads-
XIAXUE



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Why

Saturday, September 27, 20083:03 PM

Why do you cry
till your eyes swell and turn blood-red,
When he doesn't bother?

Why do you wait
for his call, keeping up all night,
When he doesn't bother?

Why do you get upset,
allowing your whole week to be ruined,
When he doesn't bother?

Why does your heart
ache, hurt and break,
When he doesn't bother?

Why do you write
about your disappointment, anger, sadness and frustration,
When he doesn't bother?

Labels: angst, depressed, disappointment, frustration, literature, love, sadness

say something,

say it RIGHT.

-

2:54 PM

phone calls,
long conversations,
cards,
arguments,
text messages,
whispers,
emails,
promises,
kisses,
agreements,
jokes,
gifts,
pictures,
hugs,
sweet nothings.

your time was too much to ask for.

Labels: angst, depressed, disappointment, frustration, sadness

say something,

say it RIGHT.

end my miseryyyy....

Friday, August 22, 200811:38 PM

i hate my life. for now. i really do. im surrounded by a bunch of motherfucking idiots who cant make up their mind as to what they wanna do, thus making fools out of themselves, and very unfortunately, dragging me into the picture. sighs. wow. what a life i have. oh oh, and i have to cater to their every whim and fancy too, like a pet poodle/chihuahua. fuck off la.

it all started in the afternoon, when i was having lunch with my grandma and parents after they came back from shopping. so anyways, after lunch, i decided to watch some replays of the olympics (eh they were showing rhythmic gymnastics okay!!!), and very suay suay-ly, my dad told me (not ask), to make soba noodles as part of tonight's dinner. i hell did not want to, it was my dad's brilliant idea to make it for everyone, and it was his brilliant impulse to get all the ingredients. and unlucky old me, am the only one who knows how to make it. so yeah.

so how? scowl and do la, what else. i was planning on chatting with my hubby awhile more, in case his internet connection got cut off. besides, i have better things to do other than standing in front of a freaking pot of noodles, watching and waiting for it to boil. pfft. but whatever la. once my dad gets brilliant ideas, there's not stopping him, which means deep big shit for me lor. so i wasted like half an hour (more actually) of my youth, cooking soba noodles, watching the pot boil, and getting scolded by my grandma all the way, just cos i cooked the noodles differently than how she would normally cook her own noodles.

OI. I LEARNT IT DIFFERENTLY CAN. hell annoying, seriously. at least my dad bothered to help a little. my mum? talking to my grandma lor, agreeing with her every sentence, esp those that included my uselessness. WOW. amazing right? proves that what i told my psychiatrist was totally 110% true (i'll reveal that later).

anyways, after the whole youth-wasting event, i went back upstairs to destress a little (i was pretty pissed okay) and to talk to my beloved too. aiya suay, i would have to return back into the kitchen in about 3hours' time to cut the seaweed and cook the fishcake that goes with the noodles. ah fine, whatever. unfortunately, careless me forgot to watch the clock and ended up going down late. shit lor. lucky my parents had to go out again, so i didnt get a scolding. yet.

hurried down, cut up the fishcake into a few parts, asked my grandma to help me steam them (what the hell is steaming anyways? i only know what steaming for the hair is), then proceeded to cut the seaweed. WITH SCISSORS. 10 SHEETS. EACH JUST SLIGHTLY SMALLER THAN A4 SIZE. yay. all the while getting scolded by my grandma, just cos i wasn't sure whether to boil or steam the fishcake. OMG. like that also nice to scold. eh, i know i went for a few cooking classes before, but so very sorry, my teacher didnt EMPHASIZE how to cook fishcake (the class WASN'T on fishcake, but it was used as an ingredient), and i didnt get the chance to practice. SO VERY SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU. forget cannot arh? damnit. i was so annoyed. ALL THE WAY. she kept saying sending me to the cooking class was a waste of money, that sending me there was "bai fei de", all that kinda rubbish la basically. whoa damnit, i wonder how i managed to control my temper man. seriously. i shot back at her finally, glaring hell hard through my specs, and told her, "i stupid can? can or not, if im this stupid???" (in chinese la,of course)

wow, she didnt take the hint for her to SHUT UP. damn. so the blahblah continues. she scold scold scold, i cut cut cut. pfft. then later parents came down and joined the scolding fest. yay. so now it's "Scold Jerlyne Till She Becomes Fucking Pathetic" Day. why didnt anyone inform me, at the least? tsk. all the while, im just cutting seaweed, looking busy, trying to control my temper, and fit in with the current mood, which was excitement over soba noodles. oh gosh. excitement. over NOODLES. dont ask. seriously, im still wondering.

i was hell pissed while everything was going on okay. here i am, cutting 10sheets of seaweed, cut till my right hand is now bruised okay, cos the scissors was pretty shitty itself, and guess what? nobody cares that im getting insulted beyond hell. all ya'll care about is whether your stomach gets filled or not. by the time i was done cutting, i was so pissed off i actually lost my appetite. when i was stilling cutting the seaweed all nice and pretty for everyone, my dad came up to me and whispered, "eh sorry arh, looks like there won't be any for you..." i declared as loudly as i could (with my head bent over the scissors): "IT'S OKAY.I DONT WANT ANY."

now here's the thing. im the kind that loves to try the masterpiece that she whipped out, just to see if it was according to her expectations. so when i declare that i DONT WANT ANY, something is up. sorry la, unfortunately my parents dont know and all the more dont care. my uncle and his family eat can liao. including my grandparents. me? lil fucker can go curl up and die in the basement. collect her remnants when they next move out. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING HERE OKAY. seriously. hardly anyone moved a muscle when i told them i didnt want dinner at all. not even the rice that my grandma cooked just in case there wasn't enough noodles to go around. NOTHING. just a piece of watermelon my mum made me try, to see if it was sweet or not -.-''

yeah as if it wasn't bad enough, i got dragged with my parents to clean up our new place. hubby was like "HUH. but you didnt eat dinner leh..."



YOU THINK THEY FUCKING CARE? as long as i cater to their every whim and fancy, ALL IS OKAY!!! ALL IS FUCKING WONDERFUL!!!



oh and as if it wasn't bad enough, more scolding to come. wow awesome eh? cared so much by people, kena so much scolding in less than 8hours. wow. can set world record yo. my dad at the last minute told me to get my phone just as they were about to leave the house, i duly did so. guess what? just as i was coming down the stairs to the door, KENA SCOLDED AGAIN. by my grandma who helped my parents unlock the door. she was all like "why didnt you help your parents take things out from the basement? so useless la you..." blahblahblah, usual crap la sheesh. this time i ignored her, i've had more than enough of her for a day man.

as i stepped out, my dad told me to go back in again, to see if we could bring anything else into the car. so went down back into the house, to the basement. went to check, no small items, forget it. went back up again to go to the car, and guess what? my UNCLE reprimanded me, asking: "oi why arent you helping your parents move stuff huh?"

WHAT THE FUCK. OI DONT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS CAN. I KNOW IT'S QUITE AN ASIAN HABIT, BUT CUT IT OUT CAN??? YOU'RE IN A WESTERN CULTURE, SHOW IT!!!

argh, i just glared at him and stomped out of the house. end of story.





seriously. am i that fun to scold? do i look that scoldable? or is it that i have a "SCOLD ME LIKE SHIT!" sign on my forehead? no? THEN STOP IT. I HAVE FEELINGS TOO, EVEN THOUGH I DONT SHOW THEM MUCH. IM JUST BEING STOIC SO THAT YOU IDIOTS WON'T GET FREAKED OUT BY ME. that said, BUT IT DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND PUSH ME AROUND.

fucking hell. wait till i go full bitch mode on you guys. you'll live to regret it, i promise. cut off your cellphone lines, email your potential bosses about how you abuse your children (did you know that whacking your kids eg like caning, is considered child abuse here? heh heh...)... fuck i can come up with ways to plague your lives. yes i am that malicious. because i've been pushed around too long, being your pet dog and all. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

and for those people who insist that family is most important, and someday i'll come back to realize it blahblah... highly unlikely that'll happen. i dont even let my parents touch me, or hug me. my mum tried to hug me when i showed her my o level results. i ran all over the house and hid in the toilet. yes, i am not close to my parents at all. and im not ashamed to say that, cos that's the way they raised me. and they have noone but themselves to blame for it. suck it up and move on man.

im not gonna say much anymore, too angry. and the angrier i am, the more irrelevant crap i'll type out, which even i might not understand (haha pathetic). oh and did you know? i've been sharing a single room with my family for almost 2months. can die. and for those 2months, i couldn't express my feelings properly. i couldnt cry myself to sleep when i wanted to, i couldnt call someone over the phone to talk to, and i couldnt scream into my pillow when i needed to. how's that for misery?

Labels: angst, frustration, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

Like BLEH

Tuesday, August 12, 20087:33 PM

argh i wanna go back to singapore, like NOW. PLEASE? i really mean it. NOW

living in canada is just so-so, but it's so hard adjusting. in singapore there were the mrts, super convenient buses, taxis (haha hella expensive but a must in times of emergencies)... nice and easy transportation like that you know? but here it's terrible. it's like um... no car, NO LIFE. wow. what kind of civilisation am i living in? for a first-world country this is pretty backward leh... sighs i used to go mall-hopping almost everyday after school, cos it was so convenient. Causeway Point was just like what, a 3min bus ride away. and if we got sick of it, there were other malls a short train-ride ahead. but here it's like NO LIFE. there is public transportation here of course. there's the YRT (york region transit) buses (who knows how far they go and how frequent they are), and the taxis, which i rarely ever see except when they're parked on the driver's driveway -.-''

please my singaporean friends reading this, dont snigger at my fate. this is truly a pain in the arse for me. i am suffering here. oh wait let's add to my current situation. I'VE BEEN SHARING THE SAME ROOM WITH MY FAMILY FOR A MONTH. officially. and, I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. im gonna go berserk soon. ugh and my siblings are not nice, grown, sensible ones. one's a 9year old monkey, and another's a 7year old pig. or rather piglet. imagine the amount of stupidity accumulated in the room. i fear im getting influenced by them. (and even if im not, i still run the risk of it.) gosh my family. a cramped room. try and fathom all the burping, farting, snoring, drooling, crapping and arguing i have to put up with. this is starting to crack my fragile nervous system. i so cannot wait to move out of my uncle's place and into our own rented one, where privacy will finally be restored. TO ME! and to the rest of my family as well. they can keep their burping, farting, drooling, snoring and whatnot to themselves, im very well off without it, thankyou very much.

and because there's not transportation for me to access, i haven't been going out much, and have been hella bored cooped up watching movies on my lappie. (well we do go for walks in the park and stuff, but then again i want time on my own away from them, so i dont go). and i tend to look for food when im bored (thats my natural wiring pfft). and all this, is making me fat. i mean im really proud that i can fit into kiddie clothes yo. it's WAY cheaper than teen clothes here. and no, i dont wear the leargest size for kid clothes, just the second largest. and im pretty intent on keeping it that way, cos it's not like im gonna get any taller anymore. so if i get fatter and i dont grow taller... yeah you know what that sums up to. and i REFUSE to become another fattie on the statistics board of ontario. so in a way, i cant wait till school starts. cos i have to walk there. everyday. bleh, but thats the norm here, so who am i to complain?

i guess im well prepared for the worst, to get dumped to grade11 instead of grade12, like i should be in. i really want to go to grade 12, cos i dont wanna waste one more year of my precious youth. but then again, my math sucks shit, and i owe them credits for grade11, so i guess im okay with that too. i'll just hope for the best (like i always do) and deal with the outcome (as i always always do).

i so need to find a job, on top of everything. having my parents around is crap WORSE than not having them around. it's like i cant breathe (expenditure-wise) with them in the same house as me. *dies* i mean, they dont even let me buy stuff from the dollar store! (eg gum) hello arh, you wanna live like a monk is it? then have fun collecting alms, i'll be here chewing on gum and downing juice, enjoying movies on my lappie while waiting for you to come back and tell me how it went.

SIAO. eh i know we're new here and stuff, and money is tight cos none of us have a job yet. but please la. scrimp until that stage? do you want me to go help you beg at the subway stations? sometimes i think my parents need to learn how to loosen up just a little, if they plan on fitting into the canadian society. tsk.

sometimes, i really really feel so desperate to go back to singapore. really i do. singapore seems hella nicer all of a sudden. oh did you know? they're so nationalistic here, for the broadcast of the olympics, all they do is zoom in on the candian and american teams, and then stop at that, to interview the families of the canadian and american athletes. HELLO. NO OTHER COUNTRIES PARTICIPATING ARH??? i love gymnastics. really. i get such a thrill everytime i watch gymnasts do their awesome stuff. so imagine how pissed i was when this happened. even my parents were hell pissed too. and every sports/news channel is the same! argh! no wonder a lot of the people i've met so far are narrow-minded about the world outside canada! i guess i cant blame them, with canada being the 2nd largest country in the world. but being closed to an age where everything is everywhere, that's not very smart. tsk oh well. welcome to canada =.=

sighs. on a lighter note, i've managed to take some pictures here, courtesy of my boredom :]

yeah i know, typical cheesy bend-and-fit-into-the-mirror-perfectly teenage girl picture. haah.

hmmm it seems friendly... right?

yup, it's friendly :] plus it has NO TEETH!

a very shy baby penguin i met.

and im not exaggerating shy. i think i named it Mumbly.

it was squawking "take me home!"

my slogan! :D

which hat suits me better, this:

or this one?

probably neither. plastic surgery is the best :]

BOOYAH!

oh did i mention? on top of everything, im missing my beloved baby, Joelhubby :[ i dont have any privacy to webcam with him, or cry because i miss him so so much, or take pics of myself to send to him. boohoo. talk about a complete heartbreak :'[

Labels: angst, Canada, frustration, penguins, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

goodbye my fishie friends

Monday, July 16, 20072:23 AM

sighs how sad. yesterday night my parents gave away 10 of the cutest lil friends i have (had): my goldfish. and a suckerfish. okay fine so LOTS of people will wonder why the hell would i get so depressed over the absence of 10 lil bumbling hungry fish, but when you've got pretty much noone at home for you except your pet fish, then its another matter altogether.

well i guess when my mum texted me to tell me they were giving away the fish yesterday night to a family friend, i kinda went into shock mode, and decided not to come home to see the "grand departure" of my fishie friends. instead i dawdled outside, wiating for everyone to leave the house, then come home to an empty drained-out tank. which is really depressing to look at honestly.

the worst part was when my mum told me that their friends said they couldn't guarantee the safety of our fish, which were put in this mini pond outside their home, cos there was a CAT going about the neighbourhood recently. like oh wth??? and they still gave the fish to them??? why couldn't they wait till the cat decided to disappear or till someone called up spca to catch the cat or something then pass the fish to them? argh...

but well yeah its really lonely and boring and empty to wake up, walk past the fish tank and stare at that empty thing. the fishies were the ones i'd greet good morning to. hmmm well... yeah and there're no more fishies to play with, feed, touch, disturb (haha), make funny faces at with the knowledge that they cant whack you back, talk to, admire, take pictures of... sighs... well at least i had the smarts to take lots of pictures of them long ago, so its not too bad... i guess.

weird as it sounds, i really do miss them. they were in a way some sort of escape to avoid and block out all the shouting and screaming and chaos in my house. i would just sit there and quietly watch them swim around freely, while hell broke out loose in the background. somehow watching those lil things swim around, spit gravel, bump into each other, search for food and stare back at me brought about a considerably stable sense of peace, amidst the shit going on in the background of my house. plus, if my familt members caught me staring at the fishtank, they'd somehow join me to do the same, strangely reducing the noise levels in my house. i guess in a way they were peace makers too HAH. dang i really do miss them now.

so okay yesterday night i'd made up my mind about not going to school today, which i didnt cos i just continued sleeping in despite everyone who kept coming into my room to wake me up. i really had no mood to go. so i woke up this morning, walked out to the fishtank as i always do, ad sat there and cried and cried in front of the empty tank. no more lil fishies to say "good morning, how are you silly things?" to, and no more lil fishies to swim up to the surface, gaping their mouths to show me that they were hungry. its depressingly empty really.

and no more lil fishies to keep me company when i decide to do late night tv watching too. during the holidays when i watched tv till the wee hours of the morning, i always heard some splashing noises some distance behind me, and i always wondered what it was. turns out, it came from the fishtank, which was directly behind the living room area. i think my fish were still awake cos of the lights coming from the tv, and were splashing about due to restlessness of some sort. really it was quite cute. i always wondered whether they were watching tv with me too ha.

but now all thats changed. my house is pet-less now, and very empty. that 3foot tank is still there, standing, but with only the gravel and an inch of water still inside. my parents probably didnt have time to decide what to do with it. the filter's still there, along with the tubes that used to filter the water in. the plants are gone, probably thrown away i suppose. the lights have been removed, placed on the sofa instead of above the tank. there's no use for them to be there any more anyway. i ripped off the streamers this morning, those i'd used to twine around the stand of the tank. they'd been there since christmas, and my mum refused to take them off cos she thought they were quite a nice decoration to the overall look of the tank. but i ripped it off, cos there's no use for them now, is there?

and im more lonely than ever, cos the fishies were the only company i had in my house/family, since my parents and maid are too caught up with my siblings (and kinda thank goodness for that in a way). they were the only things i bothered to take care of. oh well, they're gone. its back to the same old house/atmosphere i used to live in almost 2years ago.

but also, the giving away of my fish is a rude reminder to myself, that this is only the beginning of a whole series of changes. i'll be experiencing more as the day for me to go draws nearer. this is only the simple start of it.

Labels: angst, depressed, frustration, pet fish, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

unreadable

Monday, November 27, 20062:09 AM

okay its not my fault that i had to start putting the "friends only" option thingie on my myspace blog... my dear wonderful parents asked me one night how they could access my blog. like zzz they are SO funny please. normally parents access their kids' blogs sneakily but mine had to ask me in my face. i almost died of laughter. no actually i was more of wondering whether to collapse from laughter or from the shock of that question.

so anyways after that night i had to immediately change the settings on my blog on myspace. just in case they access it you know... so like yeahs only the friends that i have on myspace now can read my blog... sorry! >.<>

Labels: angst, frustration, myspace.com, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

zzz...

Tuesday, October 31, 20065:43 AM

hitting outta control
i cant take any more
you better start running
dont think you wanna stay for the show

i'll use my last bit of sanity to scrape out this warning for all you people around me... i'll probably be erratic, moodswingy, unreasonable, irritable and stuff of that sorts for this period of time... but you know what, i won't be sorry for it cos its not my fault ha hahee ha... ow headache again.............................................................................................................................................................

Labels: angst, frustration, school life, stress, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

oh tian

Tuesday, October 24, 20061:45 AM

argh zzz what the okay now i have this stupiiiiiid stupid stupid stupid rash thingie growing all over me damnit its super itchy and its pissing me off by the millisecond... finally went to the doc's yesterday and turns out i have this stupid chronic problem with my stupid skin cells...

apparently because cells have no brains, so they become stupid and start doing random things on their own accord such as releasing some bloody chemicals i dunno what, giving rise to my stupid rashes... and like hello must it appear at sucha crucial period??? my final week for mugging before i die and this happens... like thanks a whole bunch man cells... just when i thought that you guys were pretty cool things after learning about you in bio, you turn around and show me your ultimate stupidity... thank you for publicly displaying your idiocity... oh yeah the doc said it most likely is due to stress too like hello do i look stressed??? i think i play the most out of everyone around me can... all i do is laugh and play and joke and skip remedials, while everyone's mugging the brain juice outts themselves... i think im the least likely one who should be diagnosed with suffering from stress...

zzz anyways maybe i should be thankful for getting these stupid rashes cos if not for them, i wouldn't be here typing this completely nutty entry... i'd be at my cousins house praying to die instead... my entire family's gone out to ''spend time'' with my malaysian cousins who came down for the week and thank God for that please... i so cannot stand the noise of my own family, nor the noise of my cousins... needless to say their noises TOGETHER... hahax so yeah my family left me alone cos of my stupid rashes cos i told them no way was i gonna go out, itching and scratching looking like a freak... so they left me alone in peace YAY! =]

now i think the stupid meds have gotten my wires and screws up there completely messed up cos im all impatient and sad and moody and depressed and appetite-less... zzz is that how steroids make you feel? cos if they do i'd rather itch to death than moodswing every 5 minutes and become so stupid crying/screaming ''fsck off!'' machine... like seriously it is no fun at all...

zzz anyways im having a bloody headache now will go find something mindless to read and post ha hahee ha~ (suddenly i have the overwhelming urge to cry... save me...)


do me the favour people =]

Labels: angst, frustration, stress, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

bullshite

Tuesday, October 03, 200612:24 AM

well actually i told myself i'd keep my blogging to a mininum as the o's are like less than a month away but after what happened yesterday i so had to just get it outta me.

yeah thanks you guys. thanks so much. thanks for all the crappy brainwashing. then when you're done brainwashing me, you just turn around and tell me my thinking is no longer valid. oh by the way, in case you've forgotten, its your thinking that's invalid, not mine.

for like almost a decade you guys have been brainwashing me into becoming someone you want. not someone who's her own person. yeah your personal wishes, all ingrained into me. didn't know that did you? but wait you DO. your freaking wishes and hopes became my dream. yeah after 10 years of brainwashing i decided to buy it. then you tell me no. no. just that. a plain simple freaking NO. you told me to do my best, so i could go back, and eventually, everyone. so i tried. so it wasn't freaking enough. but now you tell me i have to do something else before i can go back. like get lost. seriously. i know you think its fun to change your plans once in a while, but for goodness sake this is my EDUCATION you're playing with. and you tell me this after my prelims. like that'll help. sheesh i must be one heck of an idiot to have bought that. i hope you're very happy now. im sure throwing everything that i planned away will help me a whole lot in life. i should write a thank you card to you guys.

and damn do you know what it's like to be in this family? before i even started formal education you, you, yes YOU started your brainwashing on me already. before the education system even got me, i was already fooled by you. i hope you feel honoured. so sad for me. a daily dose of manipulation and this is what i am now. i feel used in case you don't know. everytime you told me to do well so that we'd have a good excuse to go back, and that'd be my education. i feel freaking used. all i've been so far is something that'll convince others to let us go back, with my freaking education as a stupid excuse. damn why do i even bother to listen sometimes???

so now i hope you're happy. we can go back. on the stupid condition that i go through another route. and if i really do get on that route, don't you dare come and start your stupid manipulation again. im done with it. stop depending on me for a freaking reason: you're an adult you should know better. didn't you pay attention to pastor cynthia? you've done enough on me already.

but you know what. since you want me to go by that route so much. so let it be. but don't you regret it. everything comes with its price tag. and im going to make it a heavy and expensive one. after all, your price tag for me is just as expensive; my sanity's worth a lot more than my tuition fees you know. besides, you've always said im too slack. so why are you so surprised that im FREAKING studying now? shouldn't you be happy? the discipline to study is to know what kinda noises to shut out and when. but very unfortunately, you're classified under that. so yeah lay the crap off me why dontcha. when im relaxing you tell me to study. when i study you make a crapload of noise that's enough to wake the dead. what in the great green blue blazing earth do you want from me??? well it's too bad you don't have a child prodigy for a daughter so yeah just put up with me okay. im sorry i can't be perfect. by your standards.

anyways since you always like to quote scripture to me, here's one for you. im not trying to be rude, but it IS stated in the Bible go check it up yourself. i don't lie with the scripture. "parents do not exasperate you children..." i can't remember where this is taken from but i do know what it means. and it means to not smother your children and let them be their own person, and not make them into someone you want. get that yet?

i don't need you to further strangle me. i don't need your expectations to drown me. get off my back and let me be. you've done enough on this child, she's failed you: go do your manipulation on the other two. you'll probably have better luck with them.

Labels: angst, stress, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

oh shush already

Friday, September 15, 20062:30 AM

im not a born entertainer
so don't expect me to entertain your every whim and fancy
and stop expecting it from me
i listen to my mp3 at high decibels to shut out your noise by the way
it gives me terrible headaches that don't stop and i don't need
if you happen to be wondering
stop thinking what's wrong with me
if you can't find much of a solution from scrutinizing a person
then maybe its time to scrutinize yourself
i understand that screaming and shouting is a very liberating thing
but for goodness sakes' find a proper location to do that
like the rooftop of some old building or a carpark
not at HOME
what if people think that child abuse is going on at our home?
or consider it noise pollution?
and wondefully call up the police?
that might happen one fine day you know
and goodness
you know you're in bad health
you know why?
its not because of age really
you still have a pretty long way to go to get that stage
its because of your screaming and shouting and inability to control your anger
much as you find screaming and shouting at the kids and me a fun way to scare us and tame us
its just aggravating your own not-so-good conditioned health
so don't go around saying that we're causing you stress and stuff
you're the one who lets it get to you
and you let it out the wrong way
yeah so you're starting to work out and watch your diet now
so?
its not just the physical part
its also the psychological part that contributes to your health
in case you didn't know
not only is blowing your top off constantly bad for you
its bad for the environment too
like there isn't enough noise pollution in this world
let alone singapore
and you just have to add to it
you not just add to it
but you add to it at the wrong time of the day
screaming and shouting at night??
like hello you think people can't hear you???
it practically echoes throughout the entire level and neighbourhood!
spare a thought for those poor souls who wanna kick back and unwind after a long day's work
in peace by the way
they want to relax quietly
no need for your ear-grating noise
so there you go
another reason to stop screaming and shouting
you'll wake the silence of the night
and you tell me you're learning to control your temper
if you're learning anger management
i must be the master of it
venting your anger out at your kids is so not the way about it
i knew it at 12
or younger please
have you thought that you might psychologically scar the kids?
nah doubt so
im living proof and thats not even enough for you
even after the chiding you got
you say i don't listen to good advice and chidings
guess i know now where i got that from
and stop whacking the kids too
it won't work when you whack someone for making mistakes in their homework
it doesn't help
it may help to make the person focus
but if the person really doesn't know then what's the point in punishment?
punishing someone for not knowing something or not being able to understand something
is so pointless
you might as well go scold and punish all the idiots you think are out there in the world
just because they're not as smart as you expect them to be
stop asking for pity please
don't make yourself seem so pitiful
its weird
gather yourself up and do some reflection
stop balancing yourself on 2 sides of a balance
its not working
a psycho non-stop screamer on one side
a crying wallower on the other
its just too weird
so stop it
and stop 'projecting your voice' all over the house
its not all that wonderful to hear you know
and neither is it good for your health
for for the sake of the family, the neighbourhood, your health and yourself
quit the screaming/yelling/shouting/voice-raising/noise-making

Labels: angst, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

oh whatever

Saturday, June 03, 20065:20 AM

seriously whats so wrong with sleeping? esp when i've only been asleep for like half an hour? that so DOES NOT give you the right to barge into my room n give me the scolding of my life then slam my door, esp when you've told EVERYONE in the house not to... set a good example yourself before asking me to... sheesh...

n hello whats so seriously wrong with sleeping that you wanna bring me to the doctor's? what just because i've been sleeping a lot recently doesn't mean i have some weird sleeping disorder or some fatigue syndrome (even though there really is such a syndrome but touch wood lar)... gosh need you guys be so overreacting? take a chill pill la... n to think you actually sent me for counselling cos you think im some kinda mad nut of some sort that you can't handle...

im not gonna type too long about this cos i'll start raving about the past thats not so nice to read about... but all i can say is that you guys had better not raise zong yi n xia xuan the way you did to me n end up in the same screwed up situation later n start blaming your kids when its really you guys who haven't learned. go for more counselling sessions with auntie cynthia... she told me to give you guys more time n i have. listen to what she tells you cos you're gonna need it with the 2 other kiddies. i don't wanna see them end up like me.

counselling isn't for insane nuts like me, cos i can control my insanity... its for overreactive weirdos like you who can't control themselves.

Labels: angst, frustration, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

jerk

Wednesday, May 31, 20065:53 AM

i don't care if u dunno what's my blog's link or whether you're reading this now or whether you even know that im typing about you. i don't care. it's just that i hate to see my friends cry over stuff that upsets them n that they totally don't deserve. n apparently you so happen to fall into that category. the category of the stuff that my friend doesn't deserve.

your logic is so screwed up i seriously wonder what goes on inside up there... n how on earth she can put up with you for so long despite you being so unreasonable n such a moron at times. wait hold that thought, its MOST of the time actually... admit it you were a total loser when she dumped you... you were crawling all over the place like a measly little worm begging for mercy at the salvation army...

now that the 2 of you are back together, you seem to be riveting back to your old ways... guess your "i'll change for the better" promise came only with a 1 to 2 months warranty, and after that we'll just have to keep guessing... dontcha ever learn? *ponders*

she's too good for you isn't it? last word before i log out: freak she doesn't deserve you. not an ounce of you is worth her...

Labels: angst, friends, puppy love

say something,

say it RIGHT.

thirteen

Wednesday, September 21, 20056:14 AM

thirteen days
till i see you crawl
thirteen days
my blood's on the wall

your beautiful lies
you can keep
your alibis
i see them creep
your sins under rug
try to sweep

thirteen days
gonna see you fall
thirteen days
more unanswered calls

thirteen
i'm ripped at seams
thirteen
only to redeem
hidden inside your darkest dreams
i wonder if you can hear my screams
thirteen
thirteen

thirteen days
drenched in your pain
thirteen days
it's to my gain

the letter you hold
seals your fate
i'm gonna shut you
out the gate
cradled in my
silent hate

thirteen days
you wish it was the same
thirteen days
you started this game

thirteen
you blinded my sight
thirteen
from wrong to right
your sins ring out in dark, cold nights
i'm hating you with days i fight
thirteen
thirteen



thirteen nights

Labels: angst, literature, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

there they go...

Wednesday, June 01, 20052:02 AM

sighs okiez i so forgot to type this in yesterday... but my short-lived happiness is officially over... peace and tranquility: FLUNG OUT THE WINDOW LIKE DEAD FLIES... sighs... amazing how one person can turn your life upside down [i should be using the word "screw", since it has a more negative effect]... yes yes sadly he's back from his camp already and even more sadly, back to ruin my appetite... sighs... im trying to be a nice gurl, but he really puts me into the 'mean girls' mode... is it my fault that i can't accept him as a friend..??? in my ice cold conscience: NO... too bad i guess i really am that heartless... haha...

Labels: angst, frustration, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.

leave me alone... and it's not a request...

Sunday, March 27, 20054:39 AM

this goes out to anyone...
esp someone by the name of aaron w...

get off my back
i ain't yer property
get reality back on track
i've still got my liberty
step back, drop the crap
quit the dreamin
take my answer as that
face up to rejection
yer drivin me mad
if my NO ain't good nuff fer you
then thats too bad
cos i've run out of ideas on what to do
can't be bothered anymore
just get outta the door!


get the idea in yer coconut/durian mind sicko! sheesh...

WON'T, WILL NOT & WON'T EVER!

STAY 5 FEET AWAY FROM ME, AND SO GO GET A LIFE

****YOU PISS ME OFF****

Labels: angst, frustration, teenage life

say something,

say it RIGHT.