goodbye my fishie friends
Monday, July 16, 20072:23 AM
sighs how sad. yesterday night my parents gave away 10 of the cutest lil friends i have (had): my goldfish. and a suckerfish. okay fine so LOTS of people will wonder why the hell would i get so depressed over the absence of 10 lil bumbling hungry fish, but when you've got pretty much noone at home for you except your pet fish, then its another matter altogether.
well i guess when my mum texted me to tell me they were giving away the fish yesterday night to a family friend, i kinda went into shock mode, and decided not to come home to see the "grand departure" of my fishie friends. instead i dawdled outside, wiating for everyone to leave the house, then come home to an empty drained-out tank. which is really depressing to look at honestly.
the worst part was when my mum told me that their friends said they couldn't guarantee the safety of our fish, which were put in this mini pond outside their home, cos there was a CAT going about the neighbourhood recently. like oh wth??? and they still gave the fish to them??? why couldn't they wait till the cat decided to disappear or till someone called up spca to catch the cat or something then pass the fish to them? argh...
but well yeah its really lonely and boring and empty to wake up, walk past the fish tank and stare at that empty thing. the fishies were the ones i'd greet good morning to. hmmm well... yeah and there're no more fishies to play with, feed, touch, disturb (haha), make funny faces at with the knowledge that they cant whack you back, talk to, admire, take pictures of... sighs... well at least i had the smarts to take lots of pictures of them long ago, so its not too bad... i guess.
weird as it sounds, i really do miss them. they were in a way some sort of escape to avoid and block out all the shouting and screaming and chaos in my house. i would just sit there and quietly watch them swim around freely, while hell broke out loose in the background. somehow watching those lil things swim around, spit gravel, bump into each other, search for food and stare back at me brought about a considerably stable sense of peace, amidst the shit going on in the background of my house. plus, if my familt members caught me staring at the fishtank, they'd somehow join me to do the same, strangely reducing the noise levels in my house. i guess in a way they were peace makers too HAH. dang i really do miss them now.
so okay yesterday night i'd made up my mind about not going to school today, which i didnt cos i just continued sleeping in despite everyone who kept coming into my room to wake me up. i really had no mood to go. so i woke up this morning, walked out to the fishtank as i always do, ad sat there and cried and cried in front of the empty tank. no more lil fishies to say "good morning, how are you silly things?" to, and no more lil fishies to swim up to the surface, gaping their mouths to show me that they were hungry. its depressingly empty really.
and no more lil fishies to keep me company when i decide to do late night tv watching too. during the holidays when i watched tv till the wee hours of the morning, i always heard some splashing noises some distance behind me, and i always wondered what it was. turns out, it came from the fishtank, which was directly behind the living room area. i think my fish were still awake cos of the lights coming from the tv, and were splashing about due to restlessness of some sort. really it was quite cute. i always wondered whether they were watching tv with me too ha.
but now all thats changed. my house is pet-less now, and very empty. that 3foot tank is still there, standing, but with only the gravel and an inch of water still inside. my parents probably didnt have time to decide what to do with it. the filter's still there, along with the tubes that used to filter the water in. the plants are gone, probably thrown away i suppose. the lights have been removed, placed on the sofa instead of above the tank. there's no use for them to be there any more anyway. i ripped off the streamers this morning, those i'd used to twine around the stand of the tank. they'd been there since christmas, and my mum refused to take them off cos she thought they were quite a nice decoration to the overall look of the tank. but i ripped it off, cos there's no use for them now, is there?
and im more lonely than ever, cos the fishies were the only company i had in my house/family, since my parents and maid are too caught up with my siblings (and kinda thank goodness for that in a way). they were the only things i bothered to take care of. oh well, they're gone. its back to the same old house/atmosphere i used to live in almost 2years ago.
but also, the giving away of my fish is a rude reminder to myself, that this is only the beginning of a whole series of changes. i'll be experiencing more as the day for me to go draws nearer. this is only the simple start of it.
Labels: angst, depressed, frustration, pet fish, teenage life
say it RIGHT.